If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
