i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
