You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
