I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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