dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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