Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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