I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont even know how to be here
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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