Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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