we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This house was built for laser tag.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
