I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
