you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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