your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
