i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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