She said her name was "party"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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