Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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