Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
