I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
