I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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