Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
