I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
