Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
