I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
two words...techno handjob
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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