Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
