I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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