I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
