i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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