but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
