Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
