Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize