okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
