I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
