theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
