How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
