I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
