He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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