Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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