I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
