Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Barsexuality is the new black.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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