dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
