Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
