I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
