dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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