You really coming over, don't trick.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
