drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
