I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
