I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
