I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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