No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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