i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize