Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize