I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
