dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
