I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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