I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
