it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
