This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
