I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
