you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
