I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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