I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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