We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize