glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
