Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize