I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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