I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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