is your mom at the bar?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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