Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
