OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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