I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
